How to say no to naysayers

A while back I was talking to a woman who was thinking about becoming a Virtual Assistant and wanted some advice. She said: “I’m confused as to what to do at the moment. Full-time work is a safe option but the hours are too long for me now and I’m trying to run a part-time business too. I need help to figure out the best direction for me.”

I asked her how she would feel if the decision was made for her and she was only allowed to work full-time in a regular office job:

“I would feel disappointed and feel that I let myself down.”

That decided it for her. She went ahead and set up her Virtual Assistant business.

She already ran a part-time beauty therapy business so VA’ing would fit around that perfectly. As her background was in HR and recruitment (a very common and popular niche!), I recommended she tap her contacts to gauge interest and let them know she was going freelance.

We also talked through her many other concerns – money, marketing, client management, websites, business cards etc.

But she still seemed a bit hesitant.

It turned out she’d been accosted by naysayers.

What’s a naysayer?

Naysayers are people who tell you that you can’t do something. They’re not offering constructive criticism or helping you prepare for the challenge ahead; they’re people who give you every reason under the sun why things won’t work out.

Sometimes, it’s not even what they say – it’s the expression on their face or the way they throw doubt on your plans by looking at you like you’re crazy or deserve their pity.

Naysayer – One who frequently engages in excessive complaining, negative banter and/or a genuinely poor and downbeat attitude. Naysayers are distinguished by their tendency to consistently view the glass as half empty, make frequent one-way trips to negative towns, and constantly emphasise the worst of a situation.

Naysayers think they’re being helpful, and they will often say they “have your best interests at heart”, but they will try to drown your ambition and they’re bad news if you want to follow your dreams.

I personally think these people are subconsciously jealous and scared that if someone else chases their dreams, it will highlight their failure to follow or achieve their own.

They want to keep you exactly where you are so they feel better about their own lives.

It’s not about you

Whenever someone criticises you or tries to rain on your parade, it’s never about you. It’s always about them.

You’re out of their comfort zone, and they don’t like it.

“The way someone else perceives what you do is a result of their own experiences (which you can’t control), their own preferences (which you can’t predict), and their own expectations (which you don’t set). If your choices don’t match their expectations, that is their concern, not yours.” James Clear

“You’re the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

I read this sentence in Jack Canfield’s literally life-changing book, The Success Principles (I set my business up within a week of reading it), and it’s really important.

If you hang around negative people who never do anything new, you’ll most certainly become one of them. Their negativity will rub off until you can’t see the point of trying. After all, it’ll never work, so why even bother?

If you listen to naysayers, you will never achieve anything.

Naysayers are everywhere. They’re often “well-meaning” friends, colleagues, or family who will protest that they “only want the best for you.” But there’s a huge difference between motivating and supporting someone and trying to stop them from achieving their full potential.

Sometimes, they’re simply people who are out of touch and have a traditional view of work. They don’t understand what a Virtual Assistant is or does, so they are alarmed that you want to do something that they see as unusual.

You only get one life, so what’s the worst that can happen? You decide it’s not for you, and you decide to do something else, that’s what.

Download my free guide on overcoming Impostor Syndrome and receive an email every day for five days full of tips, exercises and first-hand experiences to help you gain more confidence and do “all the things” without feeling like a fraud.

Naysayers are like crabs in a bucket

Have you ever heard of the crabs in a bucket story?

Apparently, if a crab becomes caught in a trap, it will try to climb out and escape. But if a load of crabs are caught in a trap (like a bucket) and one tries to climb out, the others will pull it back down.

If it keeps trying to escape, the others will kill it and eat it.

Now, hopefully, it will never get that bad for you, and I won’t see you on the news, but I think you get the message here.

Don’t get pulled back down into the bucket. Because bucket life sucks.

Give yourself the best chance to succeed

Being a freelancer is hard work, and you won’t get everything 100% perfect straight off the bat.

Did you learn how to walk, talk, play chess, swim, ride a bike, drive a car (insert 1000 other things you never nailed right the first time) on your first attempt?

Of course not.

But if you swot up, do your research, learn from other VAs and business owners, and prepare for the journey ahead, then there’s no reason why you won’t succeed.

Nobody wants to be on their deathbed full of regret about what could have been, so here are a few things you’ll hear from naysayers and how to reply.

Life is short, and it’s for adventure and living. It’s not for sitting in the slow lane until the end.

So surround yourself with positive, motivated, supportive people and try not to get in your own way or think that everything has to be ‘perfect’ before you start. Because that isn’t how it works.

Also, don’t feel that you need to tell everyone your plans.

Women, in particular, seem to seek approval and validation, but you don’t need to. Just do your own thing, follow your dreams, design your own life, forge your own way and show naysayers what success looks like.

Ready to set up your VA business? If you just want to stop researching and get going, then sign up for my DIY VA course and start your journey today. With lifetime access and an incredible trainee-only support group, I guide you through the entire process. You can even pay in instalments. FIND OUT MORE

Related posts:

Why it’s always a great time to be a Virtual Assistant What story are you telling yourself about money? Don’t confuse your skills with your personality Why the pandemic was a ‘little ships’ moment for Virtual Assistants