Before I start I want to make it crystal clear that I absolutely adore my Mum. My Mother is absolutely awesome. She had me when she was really young, she escaped an abusive relationship to raise me, she always has my best interests at heart and she’s funny, kind, caring and fun. Her voice sounds like a tinkling bell and I love her to the moon and back…
But boy does she like to moan.
You could give my Mum a million pounds and she’d complain they were in the wrong denomination.
Although my Mum has all these amazing qualities and I love her to death, she’s an incredibly negative person.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
(FYI, my mum is the eldest of six children and they all have at least two children each including stepchildren = we are a very big family!)
Me: “It’s such a shame that auntie D and J got divorced because I always loved the New Year’s Day breakfast he used to host. He’d wear his sailor cap and spend the whole morning cooking bacon and eggs. Everyone would show up at some point and it was wonderful to catch up with all the family.”
Mum (wistfully): “Yeah that was fun. Nobody does anything like that anymore.”
Me (brightly): “Hey, isn’t your back garden like 100 foot long? You could hold an annual summer garden party here. You could have fairy lights all the way down the path and the garden’s already split into different sections so it’s absolutely perfect really. It would look lovely and be really fun.”
Mum (looking doubtful): “Well it might rain.”
Me (starting to feel quite excited): “It might but you could always set up a little awning plus you have a huge dining room so people could just come inside. It would be great – you could even make it a regular family event.”
Mum (slowly): “Hmmm, it sounds like a lot of work, I’d have to make loads of food.”
Me (still excited about a clear solution to the lack of family gatherings): “No you wouldn’t; either just tell everyone what you wanted them to bring or write a list of dishes and people can just pick something. It doesn’t have to be a huge deal or anything fancy, just put out some tea lights and a bit of bunting.”
Mum (searching for another excuse): “Well they’d never agree on a date when they could all make it.”
Me (optimistically but starting to see exactly where this is going): “You could suggest a few dates and whichever one gets the most votes is when you hold it. Not everyone will be able to make it, but that’s ok.”
Mum (seeing I’m right but still looking doubtful): “Hmmm… they’d want to bring their kids or grandkids and they’d all be running around shouting and trashing the garden.”
Me (a little less brightly): “You could say it was brothers and sisters and older children only. It’s your party so you can have what you want.”
Mum: “They’d never agree to that.”
Me (in my head obvs): Never gonna happen is it?
This is just one example, but this is how my (absolutely lovely) Mother is with everything. She wants things to be different but she isn’t prepared to put in the work needed to change things.
Why am I telling you this?
Because my Mum complains about things that are well within her power to change but she always finds a reason why something won’t work.
So she never tries and nothing ever changes.
It’s hard because I really love my Mum. I want her to be happy and I can see that the only thing stopping her is herself. I don’t know if it’s fear but her life would be so much more fulfilling if she just took a chance – and life is far too short to be made miserable by things you can actually change.
I’m sure you know people with similar self-limiting beliefs but whether it’s a friend, colleague, sibling or even your own Mother, just try to make sure it’s not you!
- If you want to make more money then go and sort it. I have loads of articles on how to find work and market yourself.
- If you hate your job and don’t want to do it any more then take action and do something else. Time is running out and you don’t want ‘someday’ to become never.
We’re going to all die anyway so we might as well spend the time we’re here doing something that makes us happy.
We’re lucky to live in a time where everything we ever wanted to know is available at the click of a mouse. We have way more opportunities available to us than our Mothers ever did and they’re also so much easier to take.
So you get cracking on that thing you want to do but never get around to doing, and I’ll keep working on my Mum. You never know, she may decide she’s going to host that family garden party after all!